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Wednesday, 12 October 2005
rainy day thoughts
Now Playing: the sound of silence (for once) in my office...

once again, mother nature has mistaken new york for seattle. it's been raining buckets for the past five days or so. this is some biblical "40 days and 40 nights" stuff here. we're all gonna need an ark by the time it's all over. i think i'm finally dry from this morning's commute only to have to do my best duck imitation in about an hour or so. my shoes and socks are still damp, however. one of these days, i'm gonna invest in a pair of galoshes - they aren't fashionable, but they keep your feet dry. nothing will make me sulk quicker than the feeling of rain-soaked shoes on my feet.

this morning was truly horrible. the heaviest rain seemed to come during my walk to the train station. there was no avoiding the puddles. my feet were soaked long before i made it to the train. my raincoat and umbrella were of no use at all - i may as well have gone outside without them. it's especially difficult to get motivated on days like these. it's still dark outside when i wake up in the morning and kinda cold, too. pouring rain just adds a sense of futility to the whole day. usually, i get to work 30 minutes before i have to do the customer service racket. recently, i've been getting to work right on time. although i'm not late (i don't believe in being late to anything), prep time before the work day begins is usually best. particularly when your work place tends to be catty, petty, and generally poisonous to one's spirit.

been a while since i've written a work post, mainly because what i do doesn't deserve the space. but better to get it out now rather than keep it bottled up and go pyro on something or someone later. it's not like i haven't written about work because things are hunky dory - far from it. i just think that there are better uses for the blog, period. it's been a little over two years since circumstances beyond my control pushed me into the customer service field, and while i'm at a better job in terms of pay and benefits, in no way, shape, or form am i proud of the work i do. if it were a job that i found fulfilling, that would be a different story. but since it isn't, why post about that? why remix the same song umpteen times if the melody remains the same? you get the idea the first time.

i will say this, though: there's a lot of lying involved with this job. that doesn't sit well with me. not in the realm of insider trading or embezzlement or a white lady drowning her kids and then dialing 1-900-BLAME-A-BROTHER, but little white lies. the kind that add up. the kind you need to keep track of. the kind you have to spend time remembering who you told what. the kind that's encouraged by management. that sh*t's tiresome. and it's not just a matter of Christian ethics here, although that has a lot to do with it. i'm about to turn 32 years old. i'm restless, i'm sarcastic, i'm dangerously embittered, and i'm rapidly losing the ability to lie to people in general. i figure, why bother? it's much easier to tell the truth. if it hurts you, you'll get over it. if it pisses off a customer, too bad. that and i'm tired of having entirely too much to remember in terms of policies and what to do when and what to say when. and the moment you start to learn the tune, that's precisely the time when someone over your head switches up the tempo. TIRED, TIRED, TIRED, TIRED, TIRED.

it's sad in a way...what i get paid to do, i care nothing about. i have absolutely no idea who's listening to the podcast or how many listen, but i'm totally into it. totally obsessed with anything having to do with music, technology, and how they tie into popular culture and the sociopolitical angles found within certain art. not getting a dime from any of it and it doesn't matter.

gotta go. time to get wet now. quack.

Posted by macedonia at 5:38 PM EDT
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