my alarm clock went off at six a.m. this morning. i shut it off and promptly went back to sleep.

beth never set her alarm. so around 6:23 a.m., she wakes up and realizes that she overslept. in order for her to get simone ready for day care and herself ready for work, she needs to wake up at 4:30 a.m. so needless to say, she was late for work this morning.

nursing takes a lot of time and energy from beth. seems like she's been falling asleep earlier these days. we used to have such a nice apartment. now it looks like a wreck. burp cloths, baby clothes, and assorted nursing paraphrenalia all over the place. there's no order. as for me, after work i usually have enough energy to do the dishes and get ready for tomorrow. sometimes i crash before getting around to the latter, so i end up getting ready for tomorrow when tomorrow is already today. and by then, it's too late to do things in a leisurely fashion.

i don't know what it is, but i've been having a horrible time with purchasing microphones. first i got one for the computer and it wouldn't work with my computer. returned that one. then i got a small mixing board and recently bought a microphone that i thought for sure would work with it. got it last night - looks like it was damaged in transit. it's like unseen forces are conspiring against me to prevent high-end recordings for my podcast. i'm tired of using outdated equipment to get things done. the show deserves better and the listeners do as well.

it's like anything that i care about is outside of work, but it rarely ever goes according to plan, or not as well as it should. meanwhile, work is a remaining constant: relentless, irritating, exhausting. what does it mean when what you love is such a struggle to put together but what you despise is just there waiting for you? and it's not an option, it's NECESSARY in order to survive? but your life isn't really an existence with this necessary evil in it.

GOD has a purpose and a plan for my life, but i have a sneaking suspicion that He could care less about my podcast and how i feel about doing it. i hope this isn't stripped away from me, but GOD has a way of making sure that His purpose overrides your plans. between work and a second microphone not working, i'm feeling rather defeated at the moment.